Managing Inattention Through Emotional Regulation and Compassion

Doing the dishes should only take about 20 minutes but when you have ADHD, it takes twice as long. 

Attention is pulled in different directions. 

When attention is pulled into something addictive like social media, it can brew up negative feelings because you told yourself yesterday that you wouldn’t get stuck today but addiction took control because that’s what it does. 

Then comes feelings of shame. Maybe anger. 

You brush it aside and decide to plow through the dishes with willpower, make the same promise to yourself and check your phone right after you dry your hands. 

The way to stop this cycle is to first understand that the negative feelings you get from scrolling is what’s keeping you stuck.

It’s preventing you from seeing what’s actually going on:

Your brain is addicted to the dopamine hits and dopamine, the neuromodulator responsible for the reward pathways, is our body’s way of telling us to do more of something because it could help us survive.

Would you shame someone for trying to survive?

Of course not. 

So when we shame ourselves for scrolling on social media, we are shaming ourselves for trying to survive.

When the brain has encoded what is good for survival, your conscious attempt to override that instinct will always lose. 

Our subconscious minds are much more powerful. 

So if you want to stop getting stuck in the same loop of getting distracted, the work is to transform the feelings of anxiety and shame into love and compassion. 

Love for ourselves and compassion for doing our best. 

We need to guide ourselves to better habits, not shame ourselves into them. 

Compassion allows us to slow down, prioritize our values, and live intentionally.